I know that I have taken a direction with this blog that is lighthearted, yet serious at the same time, but right now I wanna get serious about something that I have become very passionate about, and that is the astonishing rape culture in Utah.
I am a victim advocate at the Provo Utah Police Department and I have attended a few conferences addressing the issue of rape and sexual assault and have listened to professionals present their research on the topic and feel that the world (and Mormons especially) needs to be more aware and educated about whats goin on wit all dat.
I specifically want to talk about what happens to a victim psychologically when they go through trauma. This can be a sexual trauma, a car crash, a near death experience, or really anything. The truth is, all victims will react differently and they often will experience emotions and have behaviors that make absolutely no sense to anyone else. Why does this matter? Crimes are not being reported (especially sexual crimes) because victims are afraid they will not be believed. Not only are they afraid they will not be believed by the police, but even more so they are terrified that their friends and family will not believe them because their story doesn't make a lot of sense, or they cant seem to remember what the suspect was wearing.
First some basic information. The brain stores experiences in two different places. The first place is the cortex. This is the rational part of the brain that is able to reason, can weigh alternatives, and can regulate emotions. The second place is the primitive brain or the amygdala. This is survival brain. It cannot regulate emotion, cannot weigh options, and is usually focused on survival and basic motor skills. When you talk to someone who has been through a trauma about that trauma, you hear their experience from the primitive brain, which is like trying to take a million sticky notes and put them in order chronologically. It might not make a lot of sense, but it doesn't mean it is not true.
Victims also experience something called temporary amnesia, in which they literally cannot remember the details of what happened to them. This usually gets better after two nights of sleep (studies have shown). I repeat, this does not mean that they are lying. They are using a coping mechanism called "freeze mode". You know the ole "fight or flight" scenario? Its true. BUT, they are forgetting the freeze that happens before the fight or flight decision. Victims will usually experience two different types of freeze mode. The brain, to protect us from intense emotions or sensations will disassociate us from the situation. So when people say things like "I just spaced out" or "It was like a dream, or like I was watching a movie" they were most likely experiencing disassociation.
The other freeze mode that someone can experience is called Tonic Immobility which serves to preserve your life. This usually happens when someone feels trapped or right after a failed attempt to escape a threatening situation. The body is flooded with a hormone called oxytocin and is literally frozen. This can be for a few seconds or a few hours. Victims that experience tonic immobility will say things like "I tried to scream but couldn't" or "I was frozen/numb" or "my arms/legs wouldn't move". So when a victim is asked, "Why didn't you run away or scream for help?" They can't explain it. They don't understand why. Does that mean they are lying? NO.
In an LDS community, rape is more common than you think. Not only do sexual predators have an easier time "wearing sheep's clothing" by being returned missionaries and "faithful" members of the church, but also, rape and sexual assault are not commonly addressed. Young men and women simply are not educated about what rape is and isn't. This also ties in with the whole guilt complex. When someone in the church is raped, it is often a very confusing situation that leads them to think that "maybe it WAS consensual" or that they have sinned by "allowing it to happen". We don't want to believe that these things are happening and so we keep them hush, hush. If we were more vocal about this, maybe a sexual predator would think twice before dating that nice, naive little mormon girl. Let me give you a scenario.
A guy and a girl go out for a date. They have been dating for a few months and have made out quite a bit. The guy will often get carried away and the girl will have to stop things from going too far. (or farther than what she is comfortable with). But one night the guy is a bit more forceful with her and talks her into... lets say laying down, which they normally don't do. He then pins her arms down in a playful way (to him) and kisses her harder than normal. She is feeling extremely uncomfortable, but because she is with her boyfriend, she is hesitant to say anything. He begins to do more and more things that she does not want, but she cant seem to say anything and stares blankly at the time on the clock, or grabs the fringe on the rug to brace herself for whatever comes next. She tentatively says that they shouldn't be doing this, but he just smiles at her and tells her everything is ok. She is then torn between being a good girlfriend, the hormonal situation, and what she feels is right. She tries moving his hands a few times, but he is caught in the heat of the moment and continues, telling her its ok because they are in love and that means its ok. Things go way further than she ever wanted and she goes home to cry and wonder what just happened. Why didn't she just stop him?
Confusing right? What happened there? Is that guy a rapist? Did she even get raped? Yes. Let me just answer that for you, yes she did. This is a super common scenario! Do you think it gets reported? Probably not. Most of the time, rape and sexual violence will happen with someone you know. Its probably not going to be while you are walking down a dark ally (why would you do that anyway?) and is a lot more likely to happen if you are drinking alcohol. Are good Mormon girls and boys going to tell anyone that they got drunk at a party and then slipped up with someone? Maybe they will tell the bishop, which is good, but they will most likely confess out of guilt and not to ask for help with being a victim of crime. Too much innocent, church culture can be a bad thing if we are not properly educated. And with that, I end this soap box rant and let you return to your worry free life. But please share this information with others. It all starts with educating yourself.
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