The next topic on the agenda is the actual act of repentance. The best worst thing in the world! The best because its a pretty big blessing that we even have the option to repent! Can you imagine having to do everything perfectly for your whole life on earth? I would be dead meat by now! Its crazy to me to think that it has literally all been paid for in advance, and now I just have to do my best and make sure I clean up after my oopsies in life. Thats the best!
Its the worst because sinning often feels like the absolute life ending worst thing ever. And that is specifically what I want to talk about. That feeling. What we've been taught we need to feel in order to really repent. This godly sorrow. Truly repentant. adequately sorrowful. What does that even mean??
Once upon a time there was a short blonde girl livin an awesome life on the dry safe land. Then she started to play on the banks of a dark swift river, and eventually, she fell in. This river was fast and raging and was sweeping her pretty quickly far from everything she was familiar with and knew to be safe. It was kinda fun, and really scary, because she also felt like she could barely keep her head above the water. Then there was someone holding a life saver out for her to grab onto. She passed up on this offer. Then there was a fisherman who offered to cast his line out and hook her and reel her in. She again passed on the offer. Slowly, there were not many more offers of rescue to be seen, and she started to panic and sink beneath the white rapids of the deep river. Just when she thought all was lost, a large orange raft appeared and her family and friends were all lifting her into the boat and giving her an attractive yellow floatation device and a warm blanket. She was so ashamed that she had passed up on so many offers from nice people in her life that wanted to help and made her family and friends leave their busy schedules to come and help her. She fell into a deep depression and felt that she did not deserve the kindness of others. She felt that maybe she deserved to be back in the river struggling rather than in the safety of the banks. There were even people who were angry with her that it took so long for her to be rescued and that made her feel pretty worthless. She never felt like she was doing enough to show that she was sorry for being in the river in the first place! She beat herself up and suffered until eventually the time took the pain away and she was able to live happily on the banks again.
So that little story is about me and the feelings I had once while going through the repentance process. Does that sound right to anyone? Do you think that God wants us to feel worthless and forever groveling to prove that we are sorry? I really don't think that it should be that way. Repentance, in my opinion, is a process that has been overly emotionalized. We feel like we need to throw ourselves into the pit of despair and have our souls ripped from our bodies in order to prove that we really did repent! I have found that the fact that I feel bad about what I did and that I recognize that it was incorrect is enough. I don't need to suffer for a lengthy period of time. After I recognize that it is wrong and feel remorse for the sin, I stop the emotions and think logically about what I need to do next. I get through repentance and feel Gods love so much easier and faster because I'm not letting Satan take advantage of my feelings. I take myself out of the situation and say, "If I were giving someone else advice on what to do next, what would I tell them?" And then I take my own advice. And it's not like BOOM magic! Everything is so much easier and fixed! But when I consciously think everyday that I need to be happy and work through my problems with a positive attitude instead of sulking and wondering "why me!?"The process is a lot smoother and more affective.
I know that Christ died for us and that we ALWAYS have the opportunity to clean up our lives and be better. I know that God loves us no matter what we do and that if we can love ourselves as much as he loves us, then we can see that repentance is not a grueling death sentence for the spirit, but an opportunity to be loved by our creator and a chance for us to develop a personal relationship with Christ through realizing that his atonement really is infinite. This gospel is for you. The atonement was performed for you. God made you. God loves you.... (And I love you too).
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